8/5/24 Blog Entry [Personal Time with God]

As of late I am getting more and more grounded when it comes to spending personal time with my Higher Power, who yes, I choose to call God, but remember recovery is as much a personal journey as it is a journey that we are on with others. You just have to find a Higher Power that isn't you and you're good. I remember when I first came to AA my Higher Power was the group. Here was a group of people that seemingly love getting wasted and partying hard, but they were now sober, living productive lives. As I went through the steps for the first time, I was open to believing in a Higher Power and over time, and I mean considerable time I have come to believe that God is everything in my life, just like our literature speaks about.

I just wanted to take a little time to tell you how important spending that one-on-one time with whomever you choose to call your God is. It is essential. Pictured above is the Newport Beach Temple. I love going there and spending time on the grounds as I do consider it Holy ground. There is something about spending quality time with the intention of wanting to hear from God. The day I took that picture I came to the temple with a few questions of my own. I had been attending The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for some time then but realized that I wasn't being completely honest about who I was. If it is one thing that being in recovery has taught as well, it is that rigorous honesty is a must, or we drink. And I have learned the invaluable lesson, that I can no longer afford to drink. It was in that moment that I learned that God is very aware of me and the desires of my heart. The cool thing is that I have noticed he is aware of them even when I don't voice them, but it is definitely a more powerful experience when I ask Him in prayer about them. Anyways, lol sorry I got side-tracked. I got to the temple and read my scriptures for about an hour, just to quiet the mind a bit. After which I spent some purposeful time in silence as I thought about my concerns and what things would mean for me if I was to tell my Bishop that I was transgender. Something really cool happened and to this day I know that it was God. I felt impressed to have a conversation with the counselor of my church before I spoke with my Bishop. And it was in the conversation that God granted me the peace to know that everything was going to be alright. Funny thing about being human though, is that I have this innate desire for the details. I want to know the nitty gritty of what all is going to take place and that is just not what happened or is what is happening. BUT y'all I did have that conversation with my Bishop, and I feel like there is nothing I am hiding which to me is important. We also got to talk about the other desire of my heart which is to be a baptized member of the church. I await the instructions of my Bishop to find out if that can happen for me. 

I share this story with you to hopefully help you to see that God really is in all the details of our lives, whether we realize it then or later on. God wants to know each and every one of us personally. His love is so intense for us and all He desires in return is for us to love and follow after Him too. It is such a blessing to be able to use the principles of recovery in my church life. It's funny because I know a lot of people that are in AA tend to say that God brought me to AA and AA brought me back to God, but for me as well this statement rings true. I know that I would be "lost in the sauce" without AA. But even more I have been blessed with an ever-growing understanding of a God that probably loves me more than I will ever comprehend. And I love the days and sometimes only moments that I get to spend in communion with Him. To be able to learn of God is priceless. And it continues to be a source of light and hope as I trudge the road in recovery.